take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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