good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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