Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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