I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He better not be in your backpack
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize