Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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