you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
