The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
