How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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