I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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