i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
