I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
