She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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