so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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