So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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