So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize