..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
