Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My dick has a subreddit
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
