New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
