After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
