I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize