just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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