Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
