mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
