If i come over, it means nothing
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize