So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
