If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize