oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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