yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
