We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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