Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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