You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
