All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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