dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize