Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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