you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize