Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
