I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
