am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
