she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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