u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
