i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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