I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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