pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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