If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love having hate sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize