I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
