I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
