I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
