Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
