remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
