I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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