she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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