Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
