i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
