the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
