Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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