the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
