You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
