I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
