I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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