that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
