I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
