Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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