forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
