Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
