her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
