Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
