High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
