It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
