Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
