just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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